brni (brni) wrote,

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no one is crying for us this time

a strange time, indeed, these past few weeks. the war, i think, is over,
for me, at least. "major hostilities," as someone once said, "are over."

today i upgraded the last router that needed upgrading to handle the
unusual load generated by all these microsoft RPC worms, and things
look quiet. whether this is armistice day or just another
israeli-palestinian ceasefire remains to be seen.

three weeks, though, give or take, have passed, with me spending more
time in this chair than all other places combined, juggling bandwidth
until 3 or 4 am, phone ringing to wake me up for the next round. and
in that time, the world has kept moving along. tensions in israel and
palestine continue to escalate, the situation in iraq worsens, the
forgotten war in afghanistan appears to have shifted badly, and we're
diverting attention by making pre-invasion noises at iran, beating our
bushy chests and grunting ominously.

we got a new car, a subaru forester. first new car either linda or i have
ever owned. linda calls it "rafferty's car," claiming that it won't
feel like it's hers until it's dented or dinged. me, i'm too tired to
have feelings like elation right now. am afraid to - had so many times
when we thought we'd had this worm beat, and the phones would start
ringing first thing in the morn. "if it wasn't for disappointment, i
wouldn't have any appointment." name that band...

warran zevon died, of lung cancer. ironic. but still very sad. he was
far too young.

        Shadows are falling and I'm running out of breath
        Keep me in your heart for a while
        If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less
        Keep me in your heart for a while

sleep now, excitable boy.

tired of being sick. been a week and a half now and doesn't seem to want
to let go. just dealing with the day is exhausting like this, both
physically and emotionally. i can't imagine being sick and knowing that
it'll only ever get worse.

i seem to have forgotten how to rest.

maybe another cup of sleepytime(tm) will help

only teach birds things that you'll enjoy hearing repeated over and over
for years. trust me, "the flintstones" is not that one of those things.

9/11's anniversary came and went without any incident, other than US
soldiers shooting and killing 8 iraqi police and a jordanian hospital
guard. the first time they tried to blow up the twin towers was on
my birthday. it seemed an odd way to mark the day. in 01, was driving
to work when the news came, and i knew, knew it was intentional, and i
prayed - no, can't pray to no god - fervently hoped that it was a
repeat of oklahoma city. anything else would give this administration
freedom to wage war on the whole damn world.

        We are not monsters
        We're moral people
        And yet we have
        The strength to do this
        This is the splendour
        Of our achievement
        Call in the airstrike
        With the poison kiss
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