brni (brni) wrote,

faraway, so close

I hadn't seen her in - what? - fifteen years? Longer?

I left the Philosophy Department and wandered into another life, another world, and the constellations of people changed, and changed again, and again. Different worlds.

Jen was a fascinating person. Struggling through being massively fucked up, she was brilliant enough to shine through the worst of it. It was Jen who introduced me to the dark undercurrents of the world, to a world where people lost even the illusion of control. She introduced me to the work of Nick Cave, to the Cocteau Twins, to the possibility of joy bubbling through the darkness. She was, indirectly, responsible for one of the weirdest relationships I've ever been in. I'm sure I didn't know it at the time, but she stripped from me much of my unconscious naivety. And for this I am forever grateful.

And she's teaching me still. Teaching me that I'm now of an age when the internal bits start to wear down. When the likelihood of our bodies breaking catastrophically increases dramatically.

Jen died Thursday after suffering a massive stroke.

And the planets gravitate around you,
and the stars shall dance about you,
and the angels in heaven adore you,
and the saints all stand and applaud you.
So faraway,
so faraway and yet so close.
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