You see, in Philadelphia, there's this thing called a Soft Pretzel. Now, I understand that there are Soft Pretzels all over the world, but none of them are like Philly Soft Pretzels. They're not even the same shape - most parts of the world have soft pretzels shaped like pretzels. In Philly, they're sort of like that, but squashed, in order to maximize the pretzel per tray rate, I guess.
The Philly Soft Pretzel is shorter, squatter, uglier, doughier, denser and (inexplicably) more wet than other soft pretzels. And we're proud of that. At a concert once, a street vendor was barking, "Warm soda! Cold pretzels!" Of course we bought from him - unlike the other street vendors, he was being honest. They are better warm, but good luck with that.
But, you know, a good Philly Soft Pretzel is better than any other soft pretzel I've had, anywhere. The food truck near the frame shop where I used to work had amazingly good soft pretzels. The Wawa markets (the Philadelphia-local version of 7-11, that seems to be spreading tendrils into other cities) carries them. And they LOOK like proper soft pretzels. But they aren't. They are too squishy, and tasteless, and (worst of all) gooey. They put them in plastic bags, which is just fucking WRONG. If you have to put it in a bag, use a brown paper sandwich bag that'll absorb moisture, instead of collecting it and making the whole thing soggy. But ideally, these things need to be left out so that the outside gets stale and crusty or they don't taste right.