So. It's been going on 6 hours. One more appointment for Linda's pre-op fun - radiology. (As I type this, they just called her, so maybe we'll be out of here soon.) When we got here, they took her papers, handed her a 3x5 card with her name on it and sent her to change. A bit later, she came out dressed in hospital robes.
So there's this loud lady. She's short and round and has a fuzzy black coat and frizzy blond hair that sticks out everywhere. We've been running parallel lives since around 2pm. Except, y'know, her's is louder. She goes off into the changing room.
Linda comes out in her cute little robes, and we get her the second to last of her oxycodone, because she's about at the end of her endurance. Hell, I'm almost at the end of my endurance, and I'm not the one with severe back pain.
Suddenly, all the alarms go off, and nurses and orderlies start rushing around. No, sez the loud lady. She's not dying. She just had a question. The alarms stop. The staff disperses again.
“Darwin better get on the stick,” Linda says, “or I'm gonna stop believing in him too.”
And just then, the Loud Lady emerged from the changing room and walked up to us. “You know what I just did?” she asks. “All I wanted to do was ask a question. I had no idea that was the button for 'I've fallen and I can't get up!' I just can't go anywhere without making a complete idiot out of myself.”
And then the Loud Lady goes over to the next person in the waiting room. “You know what I just did?” she asks.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.