October 28th, 2005


for everything there is a season

today i went to a funeral for a woman i'd only really met a few times, back in the mid-eighties. i can't say that i knew her, but she was the one grup in the family who didn't make me feel like i was being judged and found wanting. she is, i think, also somewhat responsible for setting up the conditions that created some of the most intense times of my life, both beautiful and painful, bringing her granddaughter to a church that i'd all but abandoned, so that said granddaughter could ensnare me with her womanly wiles.

the reading was from ecclesiastes, which i've never read. it's actually a fairly fascinating book, as biblical readings go. there were bibles next to the hymnals on the backs of the pews, so i looked up the verse (since although i've known the song (turn turn turn) for as long as i can remember, i was unaware that it was from the bible.

i'm the first person to have opened that bible. the pages were crisp and still tight, still sticking together from the red edging they put on the sides of bible pages. I thought that was interesting - that the only person to have opened the bible that was made available to the members of the church was an atheist.

today jesse talked to me. he's very bitter about how things have ended with kate, and from what i see from what he's said, he's not wrong to be bitter. i can understand what happened, and i can understand why kate did what she did. it's a profoundly human thing, and i feel badly for her, but it still isn't right.

it seems that this is a time for endings. hopefully, it will mark a time for beginnings, as well.