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The Journal of Unlikely Architecture ToC

Wed, 12 Jun 2013 02:56:08 GMT

(reposted from http://grumps-journal.livejournal.com)

Our first non-bug issue, The Journal of Unlikely Architecture, is officially full and closed to submissions. We are delighted to announce the Table of Contents for this special issue, which will be published this August. Without further delay, we present:

The Three Adventures of Simon the Elder by Daniel Ausema

Go Through by Alma Alexander

The Painted Bones by Kelly Simmons

The Latest Incarnation of Secondhand Johnny by Mark Rigney

The Dross Record by Matthew Timmins

The Tower by Kelly Lagor

Geddarien by Rose Lemberg

We're looking forward to sharing this special issue with you! In the meantime, check out Issue #5, which is now available online, and continue sending stories our way.

Balticon, Avast!

Fri, 24 May 2013 23:06:03 GMT

I am at Balticon. I have a schedule. And a name badge. If you, also, are at Balticon, don't be shy.

In the not-shy category, I ran into an old friend from my undergrad years at Vanillanova. Chris Davis (a.k.a. The Renaissance Man) is a fellow philosophy department refugee, who is here pimping the Terry Pratchett convention. If you're here, go visit him at the Pratchett-con table.

So, schedule. Ah, here goes:

Erotica a la Carte: Iron Chef Preliminary Round 3
Friday, 10:00 PM, Chesapeake
Moderator: Nobilis Reed
Panelists: Alicia Goranson, Bernie Mojzes, PJ Schnyder, Cecilia Tan

"Three authors. One ingredient. Thirty minutes to write five hundred words of smut, and YOU are there to see it happen. The winner of this round will go on to compete in Sunday's final round."

---

Erotic SF and Fantasy Literature Re-Examined
Friday, 11:00 PM, Salon B
Moderator: Bernie Mojzes
Panelists: T. J. Perkins, KT Pinto, PJ Schnyder

"When is it erotic literature and when is it just formula porn? What if it detracts or distracts from the story line instead of enhancing it? Some of the stuff being written sounds as if the author has never actually had sex... Panelists bring and read some examples of what they think is good stuff and awful stuff and tell us why."

---

The Use and Misuse of The Hero's Journey
Saturday, 8:00 PM. Chase Room
Moderator: Bernie Mojzes;
Panelists: Tom Doyle, Beth Prellwitz, Darrell Schweitzer, Jon Sprunk

"What implications does Campbell's archetypical Hero's Journey have on non-traditional protagonists? How does the Hero's Journey differ for male and female protagonists? What does a narrative that escapes the Monomyth look like?"

---

Double Dragon Publishing Presents
Sunday, 10:00 AM, Belmont Room
Editor: Michael A. Ventrella;
Authors: Gail Z. Martin, Bernie Mojzes, Peter Prellwitz

Come and meet some of the authors being published by Double Dragon Publishing and help them celebrate their April releases.

(BOOK LAUNCH: A BARD IN THE HAND)

---

Poetry In Prose
Sunday, 11:00 AM, Chesapeake
Moderator: Patrick Scaffido;
Panelists: Myke Cole, Bernie Mojzes, Bruce Press

The mantra for modern stories seems to be simple, straightforward writing. Is there room for poetry and craft when audiences seem to prefer to skip to the action?

---

Professionalism and the Young Writer
Sunday, 12:00 Noon, Parlor 3041
Moderator: Don Sakers;
Panelists: Katie Bryski, Sarah Pinsker, Bob Greenberger, T. J. Perkins, Bernie Mojzes

Age may be just a number, but what do you do when most people have been working in the industry for longer than you've been alive? How do you balance edits and essays? How can the young writer best present themselves to their readers and colleagues?

---

Aliens Among Us
Sunday, 1:00 PM, Salon A
Presenters: A. C. Wise, Bernie Mojzes

They can walk on walls. They are masters of disguise. They have too many eyes and too many legs, and some of them can even withstand massive doses of radiation and survive.

By human standards, bugs are incredibly alien, which makes them the perfect source of inspiration for Science Fiction — from the hive-minded Borg to the Bugs of Heinlein's Starship Troopers. Join Bernie Mojzes and A.C. Wise, co-editors of the Journal of Unlikely Entomology, as they discuss bugs and speculative fiction, and how the two can be combined.

---

The Dark Quest Books Mega-Launch
Sunday, 7:00 PM, Frankie & Vinnies
Publisher: Neal Levin:

Dark Quest Books launches their Spring 2013 titles with guest editors and authors: Danielle Ackley-McPhail ("The Eternal Cycle"), Danny Birt, Jack Campbell ("The Lost Fleet series"), Myke Cole, Judi Fleming, Charles E. Gannon, Elektra Hammond, Eric V. Hardenbrook, C.J. Henderson ("Teddy London"), Mike McPhail), Bernie Mojzes, Christine Norris, KT Pinto, James Daniel Ross ("Radiation Angels"), Alex Shvartsman, Maria V. Snyder, Jim Stratton, Patrick Thomas ("Murphy's Lore", Robert E. Waters, and John C. Wright ("Chronicles of Chaos"), Jeff Young,
PRESENTATION, NO PANEL SEATS
(2 hours)

---

Alien Sex in Science Fiction
Sunday, 11:00 PM, Chase Room
Moderator:
Panelists: Michael D'Ambrosio, Stephanie Burke, Bernie Mojzes

Everyone seems to dance around it. Do we want to read about the sexual behaviors and intimate (or not...) relationships of alien species? Do we want as much detail as we can encounter reading about human sexual interactions? Why or why not?

---

Readings: D.H. Aire and Bernie Mojzes
Monday, 11:30 AM, Pimlico (30 minutes)

They also have me down for "Swing Dance." I tried to explain to them that the only dance I know is the Caligula "Little Boots" Thumb Dance, but it still appears on my schedule. I wouldn't count on me being there...

Twinkle Like A Ninja

Fri, 15 Mar 2013 20:27:48 GMT

Why is punctuation important?

There are a number of reasons, not least of which is that punctuation defines the meanings of the words which it punctuates.

Today, I ran in to an old friend, who we will call Erin (because that's her name). She played cello in a funk band I was in, a while back. She's been teaching for a while now, mostly kids. Five year old boys are apparently a challenge. One of them, for example, is convinced that he is a ninja.

"Your violin is not nunchucks," she has to remind him.

She tries to get him to play his music, and he won't. So she says, "How would a Ninja play 'Twinkle'?" She's got his attention now. "Very softly," she says, "and then very loud. Play it like that."

And he does.

So she went off for 3 weeks in the UK. When she got back, her substitute accosted her. "These kids are unteachable!" she said.

"No they're not," Erin told her. "All you have to know is how to play Twinkle like a ninja."

"'Twinkle Like a Ninja'?" I said. "That's the best song title ever."

Unfortunately, I'm now feeling a compulsion to write a song or story with that title.

Submissions Updates

Fri, 01 Mar 2013 16:41:58 GMT

Hullo all,

Just a few updates on various projects that are in the works.

Submissions for The Flesh Made Word - erotica about writing (and being written) come to a close tonight. I received a flurry of subs yesterday, and hope there's another today. http://www.circlet.com/?p=4395

Submissions for Issue 5 of the Journal of Unlikely Entomology run through April 1st. If you have a buggy story in you, send it here! http://www.grumpsjournal.com/subs.html

Submissions for The Journal of Unlikely Architecture remain open until filled. We have filled half the slots and are looking for another 3-4 stories, depending on length. We're aiming for an early August release. JoUA will feature stories in which architectural structures (buildings, bridges, etc) are significant parts of the tale. http://www.grumpsjournal.com/subs-architecture.html

We'll be announcing our next Unlikely Adventure soon, once we finalize the guidelines and figure out what to call it. Stay tuned...

The 2013 Campbellian Pre-Reading Anthology

Sat, 09 Feb 2013 02:12:11 GMT

The 2013 Campbellian Pre-Reading Anthology has just been released, containing 2 of my stories: "The Ritual of Names in Prague in the Last Days of the New Empire" and "Raw Materials." Ritual has been online at Daily Science Fiction; Raw Materials was a bonus story in Crossed Genres Quarterly, and was never released online, so this is the first free-to-read version of this story.

What's that? Yes, it's free. 80 stories by 43 authors who are eligible for the Campbell award this year, free for a limited time (as in, the next couple months).

Also, bugzine contributor Sylvia Spruck Wrigley has a story in there too, so you should go download this thing for your kindle or nook or whatnot, even if you don't want to see my work.

http://stupefyingstories.blogspot.com/2013/02/just-released-2013-campbellian-pre.html

Got-No-Lemongrass Lemongrass Minestrone Soup

Fri, 14 Dec 2012 04:29:37 GMT

Perhaps the only thing more annoying than being sick is being sick whilst one's spousal unit (or functionally equivalent personage) is even sicker.

I made my way to Whole Foods with the thought of acquiring the requisite items needed for Lemongrass soup. I filled my basket and then realized there was one thing missing.

So, I improvised.

Got-No-Lemongrass Lemongrass Minestrone Soup

~~1 stick lemongrass, cut in 1 inch pieces~~

Um. Right. Lets try this again.

Some onion, chopped
Some mushrooms, cut in the way you like them
Some carrot, cut into smallish sticks
Some celery, cut small (pinky nail or smaller)
Some broccoli, cut into smallish bits.
Some snow peas, cut in half (I forgot that bit, and they become unwieldy)
A bit of frozen peas
Handful of cooked pasta of reasonable shape (elbows, small shells, etc)
Soy sauce
2 knorr vegetable bullion cubes
6 cups water
Fresh parsley, chopped
Fresh basil, torn++
Lime juice
Sugar
1 teaspoon Thai Roasted Red Chili Paste (to taste)
Dry spices: parsley, basil, rosemary, red pepper flakes, salt, black pepper
Olive oil.

* Put some oil in pot, add heat.
* Add dry parsley, dry basil, rosemary, red pepper flakes, salt and onions and celery.
* Sautee on low for a while until onions start to go translucent
* Add mushrooms and keep on sauteeing.
* At some point, decide you're bored with the sauteeing and throw chili paste and soy sauce in there. Raise heat.
* When you think the mushrooms has taken enough abuse, add water and bullion cubes and turn heat up to high.
* Get bored waiting for it to boil and throw the carrots and fresh parsley in
* When the water boils, throw in the broccoli and snow peas. Also, taste the broth and add some lime juice to brighten it and some sugar to cut the tart from the lime. Obviously fresh squeezed lime is best, but if you use Rose's lime juice, keep in mind that it's already sweetened and adjust the amount of sugar you use.
* After a bit, add cooked pasta and frozen peas.
* Bring back to a boil for a couple minutes
* Turn off heat and throw fresh basil in.

++ For some reason, basil tastes better when it's torn by hand than when it's chopped with a knife.

And, hey, it worked. Tastes sort of like lemongrass soup, and sort of like minestrone, with a bit of a bite.

Over at the Journal of Unlikely Entomology blog...

Sat, 24 Nov 2012 01:12:28 GMT

Over at the Journal of Unlikely Entomology blog, Joanne Merriam guest posts:

http://grumps-journal.livejournal.com/14836.html

The Journal of Unlikely Entomology - Issue 4

Mon, 12 Nov 2012 04:46:13 GMT

Issue 4 of the Journal of Unlikely Entomology is live!

Actually, it went live Friday afternoon, but I've been at Philcon, and my dad's birthday (dinner at a Greek restaurant called Mythos, which, arriving at immediately after listening to people talking about Lovecraft, makes one less than eager to try the calamari).

We're proud to announce that our 6th issue (Issue 4) is up at http://www.grumpsjournal.com, featuring stories by M. Bennardo, Joanne Merriam, Michael D. Winkle, Sunny Moraine, and Jonathan Maberry, and art by Linda Saboe, Dag Jørgensen, Bryan Prindiville, Katie Rose Pipkin, and A.L. Sirois.

We hope you enjoy the issue, and we remind you that we're currently accepting submissions for Issue 5, and for our especially unlikely issue, The Journal of Unlikely Architecture.

Bad Sex: Part 5

Fri, 09 Nov 2012 15:55:56 GMT

This is part 5 of a 5-part series on writing sex. If you haven't seen the earlier bits, you might want to consider taking a look.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Okay, so you've decided to write erotica. Just for yourself. Just to hone your skills. Not for public consumption. Probably.

Now what?

Step 1

Well, first you need to decide what to write. (This is the easy part.)

If you're a writer who has existing work with fade-to-black type scenes, well, you could choose some of those to flesh out. That's the easy way out, of course - you already have an existing framework, an existing story that you're choosing to revisit, to linger a bit voyeuristically over what you knew was there but chose tastefully to leave off the page. Or you can take characters from existing stories and put them into different circumstances. I wrote an entirely non-sexual story, Facing the Wind, and then later wrote an erotic prequel to it, On Arid Seas, which explored a relationship that the first story only hinted at.

Another option is to look at current calls for submissions to see if any of that sparks any ideas. You can find those in the "mature" section of Ralan's or Duotrope, or look at the Erotica Readers & Writers Association, or at the titles of some of the anthologies out there. Or, y'know, you could write something to submit to The Flesh Made Word...

A third option is to find your story the same way you find all your other stories - dreams, daydreams, that weird mental state you get into somewhere between lathering shampoo into your scalp and washing the soles of your feet. From a song lyric or a random phrase overheard at the coffee shop.

Step 2

Remember that you're not just writing the mechanics of sex, just like when you're writing anything else, you're not just writing the mechanics of what is occurring. You're writing the action in the context of thinking and feeling persons who are doing the acting. You're writing the action in the context of a larger story that this scene must serve. Your sex scene is not an intermission. It's not there to fill in space while the actors get changed for the second Act. It is as integral to the story as a whole as every other piece of the story. Remember, sex is powerful - use that to show aspects of the characters that are otherwise hidden.

Step 3

Word choice. This was the most difficult piece for me.

So what is it? Penis? Cock? Prick? Glans? Stiff? Erect? Throbbing? Pulsing? Balls? Ass? Rectum? Clit? Vulva? Vagina? Pussy? Cunt?

Or do you choose a more demure route? Hardness? Manhood? Wetness? You want to avoid cliches, of course, but that's true of all writing.

There's no correct choice here - only what's correct for your story, and for your POV character.

There's only one rule here: Don't flinch.

It's okay for your POV character to flinch. You write that well, and the readers will do the same, right where you want them to. But if YOU flinch, the readers will know, and you'll lose them.

Be true to your story. Be true to your characters. Follow where they take you, no matter where.

Philcon Schedule

Thu, 08 Nov 2012 18:25:43 GMT

My Philcon schedule is lighter than I expected, but I do have a reading on Saturday evening. Any suggestions on what I should read? Naughty or Not-So-Naughty? (Is 5pm late enough to even ask that question?) Either way, come visit me so I'm not lonely.

Also, my reading time was emailed to me as being 12 PM, but is on the philcon schedule website as 5pm, so who knows? I suppose I'll find out tomorrow.

Fri 9:00 PM in Crystal Ballroom Three—Tricksters, Rogues and Lovable Scoundrels (1158)

An exploration of this archetype in science fiction and fantasy. Think of Harry Harrision's "The Stainless Steel Rat", Neal Stephenson's "Hiro Protagonist", Han Solo, Malcolm Reynolds, and others.

April Grey (mod), Stephanie Burke, Shelby Morgen, KT Pinto, Bernie Mojzes

Fri 11:00 PM in Crystal Ballroom Three—Drugs and the Works of Philip K. Dick (1141)

Is this exaggerated? What's the real scoop? Did Dick's creativity manifest itself because of some recreational chemicals or in spite of them?

Tom Doyle (mod), Michael Swanwick, April Grey, Bernie Mojzes

Sat 5:00 PM in Executive Suite 623—Reading: Bernie Mojzes (1326)

Bernie Mojzes (mod)

Sat 11:00 PM in Executive Suite 623—Writing Science Fiction Erotica (1178)

Experiencing practitioners (of WRITING...) give us the inside scoop on this specialized part of the publishing industry.

Stephanie Burke (mod), Shelby Morgen, Bernie Mojzes, Thomas Willeford, A.C. Wise

Bad Sex: Part 4

Thu, 08 Nov 2012 16:00:14 GMT

This is part 4 of a 5-part series on writing sex. If you haven't seen the earlier bits, you might want to consider taking a look.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 5

Okay, in part 1, we covered bad sex in writing, some of the causes of bad sex, and the need for writers to set out and write explicitly erotic stories in order to learn how to write intimacy. In part 2, we talked about shame, pseudonyms, and trying to figure out what one needs to be free to write what is needed. In part 3 we talked about what you need to bring the reader along for the ride.

Part 4 is all questions and no answers.

Which is all as it should be, because everyone should answer these questions in their own way. Or perhaps there is no answer, there's only the act of questioning, and merely posing the question to yourself will give you enough to be successful.

So here goes.

If you're writing your kink, are you talking only to people who share your kink, or have you written in a way that brings readers who don't share your kink along for the ride? (I've seen it said one should never write one's own kink. I don't necessarily agree with that, but you do need to be aware of what you're doing, and whether you're intending to write for that group, or more universally.)
If you're writing a kink that isn't yours, are you:
- writing in a way that is respectful of those who are into this stuff, and not a caricature?
- writing accurately and honestly?
Does your scene make sense for your characters?
Does the scene work in the context of your story? (I, for one, can't abide stories that exist only as an excuse for a sex scene. Others may differ on this.)
What do you reveal in the context of the narrative, and of the sex scene?

Bad Sex: Part 3

Thu, 08 Nov 2012 03:40:33 GMT

I meant to get this posted earlier, but time is a slippery, evil thing.

This is part 3 of a 5-part series on writing sex. If you haven't read the pervious parts yet, you might want to consider it.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 4
Part 5

In the last installment of this series, I talked about shame and pseudonyms, and I posed a few questions for you.

Those questions were secretly a different question: "What do I need to do in order to free myself enough to write sex honestly?"

Because that's what it's about. Everything you write needs to be honest if you're going to achieve the effects you want. (If you feel that you don't need to be honest to your readers, you maybe shouldn't be writing, yeah?)

So, now that we've confronted our shame and discomfort in writing sex, let's talk about what your job is and is not.

Your job is NOT:

to write things that turn you on.
to write things that turn your readers on.

What you say!!

Exactly what I said. With very rare exceptions, the writer is not in the story. The writer writes the story and puts it out into the world, and from there, the writer is no longer relevent. And - again with very rare exceptions - the reader is not part of the story, at least not explicitly.

"Well, what is my job, then?" you have the audacity to ask.

Your job is:

to write a story with compelling, believable characters, such that the reader becomes invested in the hopes and fears and desires of the characters.

Which is to say, when the character decides to go on an epic quest for the mysterious Gold Monkey, you need to make the reader feel what the character wants enough to want to go along for the ride. And if the character wants to hear her/his lover's breath catch as s/he tugs a hardened nipple between gentle teeth, you need to make the reader feel that need enough to want to go along for the ride.

Which is to say, write sex with the same amount of care, and with the same goals and objectives (relatively speaking), as you write any other scene.

Which is to say, your job in writing a sex scene is not to turn on the reader because the reader is interested in that kind of sex. Your job is to turn on the reader because you've made the reader identify enough with the character that what turns on the character will turn on the reader.

It's not the sex that turns on the reader. It's the characters' reaction to the sex that turns on the reader.

Bad Sex: Part 2

Tue, 06 Nov 2012 15:06:11 GMT

This is part 2 of a 5-part series on writing sex. If you haven't read part 1 yet, you might want to consider it.

Part 1
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

Let's talk about shame.

There is a stigma to sex, and to writing sex. This is the logic behind slut-shaming, behind the confused contradiction that penalizes girls for having sex at a young age at the same time that it commends boys for the same thing. This is the logic that leads writers to take pseudonyms when writing explicitly sexual stories.

It's the same logic that leads people who write in a number of genres to isolate and dismiss their erotic writings. Because that's not serious literature. That's smut.

There are writers, and there are erotica writers. And when the writer and erotica writer are the same person? Well, we create pseudonyms to create distance and anonymity. We don't want that nasty sex stuff contaminating our real work.

That was something I considered seriously when I received my first acceptance letter for an erotic work. I created a pseudonym, one that was clearly fictitious, and came with his own history and persona: one Sir Reginald F. Grump XXIII, a writer of erotic fictions possessed of a peculiar fascination with spinnerettes. The myth of Sir Reginald has grown over time - he is the spiritual advisor of The Journal of Unlikely Entomology, for example, and a recurring character in Kudzu: A Novel, and in "Kudzu: A Prologue," in Galactic Creatures.

But in the end I decided to own my pr0n. All my erotic work has been published in my own name. (I actually had a similar internal debate about whether to use my own decidedly unusual-but-not-necessarily-in-a-good-way name when I was first published.)

Still, I find myself speaking hesitantly in mixed company about my role in producing Alice-in-Wonderland smut, while being quite comfortable discussing my stories about faeries.

So, (assuming that if you've read this far, you're at least considering taking my advice and writing an explicitly erotic story or three) whether you plan on ever showing your smut to anyone else or not, I'd suggest looking at the story that results from your efforts and thinking very seriously about what name you would publish it under. Will it be your own? Will it be a pseudonym? Would you ever let leak the link between your non-erotica-writing persona and your smutmonger persona?

There is no "right answer" to those questions. There's only the answers that are right for you.

And the value in those answers isn't the answers itself, but what you learn about yourself in the process of answering the questions.

Bad Sex: Part 1

Mon, 05 Nov 2012 16:00:50 GMT

Not long ago, I agreed to edit an erotic anthology - The Flesh Made Word. I'd been thinking a lot about what I'm looking for for this book, and started to write a post about that, but it got out of hand, and turned into a more general (and very long) post about writing sex. I'm hoping that inspires a few people to try their hand at it, even if they'd never let it anywhere close to a printing press.

This is part 1 of a 5-part series on writing sex. I'll fill in the links as they come out.

Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

Not too long ago, I was reading a book - a thriller with compelling bad guys and heroic heroes. A race to save the world. The plot was intricate but not obscure, the pacing impeccable, and the writing tight and confident, each scene ratcheting up the tension toward the climax of the novel.

And then, there was the sex scene.

It wasn't a gratuitous sex scene. It was a scene where two of the villains join forces (as it were), where they use each other, and manipulate each other. It was a perfect way to dig in deep into the souls of these characters.

But here's the thing: as writers we learn how to construct a plot, how to create layered, nuanced characters. We study how to pace a chase scene or a fight scene, how to kill a character with maximum impact, how to keep action moving, how to ease up and become introspective. We learn dialogue techniques, and ways of describing things. We explore metaphors and similes, phrasing to match the mood. We learn when to mangle grammar to meet the needs of our prose.

But, just like in the public school system, we study everything in depth, everything but sex. When it comes to sex, we approach it obliquely, with a sense that, while it's necessary that we cover this stuff, it's embarassing and shameful, and we should try to get it over with as fast as possible, no matter how good it feels.

And so in this otherwise fine and commendable novel, the characters get nekkid, and then proceed to engage in a string of cringe-worthy cliches ripped from bad Seventies-era SF novels.

The truth of it is writing good sex is hard.

I had a girlfriend, long, long time ago, who kept in touch after we broke up (she may be reading this - ~waves~). She'd write me letters from college and tell me about the different things she'd done. I can probably accurately describe the length, girth, shape, and taste of far more boys' anatomy than is reasonable, given the level of my own experience in the matter (Some of them may be reading this, as well - ~waves~).

She once wrote to me that the best way to get to know someone is to sleep with them. For a while, at least, she'd sleep with people she thought were interesting when she first met them, in order to decide whether she should befriend them. Which certainly explained some things that I hadn't quite grokked back when we were dating.

Without commenting on the wisdom of this strategy, it is true that sex can be a powerful way to reveal character. Sex comes from a deep and primal place within us, and how it manifests can reveal in a relatively short amount of text volumes about the character of the characters.

If you write it right.

However, precisely because it's so powerful and intimate, writing about it honestly is extraordinarily difficult. We bring all our own baggage and hangups to it. We bring the things we're ashamed of letting the world see. We bring the things we're afraid of letting our friends and family see. And our instincts are to hide these things. To obfuscate them behind language. To use cliches to distance ourselves from the act that's playing out on the page.

We avoid writing sex except when it is necessary for the plot. We fade to black to avoid the squishy bits where we'll have to make difficult decisions, or reveal too much about ourselves.

Eastern martial artists have a saying (with variants): You must practice a technique 10,000 times to master it. If your life depends on a technique that you only practice when it's absolutely necessary for the plot, chances are you're going to fuck up.

This is why I think it's important for all writers to write erotica, to write a story that is heavily and explicitly sexual. Even if you never intend to publish erotica. Even if you'll never show it to anyone. If you expect ever to be writing a novel or story involving real intimacy (and depending on the story, that can be anything from touching fingers through a privacy screen to a full-fledged orgy), you'd be well served by having had some practice, not just in writing the squishy bits, but in integrating said squishy bits seamlessly into a larger framework.

(To be continued...)

the morning after

Tue, 30 Oct 2012 14:17:22 GMT

The morning after a big storm always has a sense of unreality. A relative quiet, after the howling of the winds throughout the night, the rustling of agitated leaves, the creaking and cracking of wood. Somewhere around 2 am I heard loud cracking, and waited to hear the boom. When they built this development in 1950/51, they cleverly planted one small oak tree immediately in front and in back of each house. We have it on good authority that our oaks have been well tended, and are healthy and strong and not likely to come down in less than extreme weather. Our neighbor's oaks had been pruned until they looked like Dr. Seuss trees, and the top twisted off in the gusty aftermath of Hurricane Isabel.

Oak is really heavy.

But this time, there was no resounding, earth-shaking boom, and somewhere around 3am I drifted off to bed.

Woke up to relative quiet, and oddly filtered light, with the nagging thought that things were too quiet, so I was probably killed in my sleep, and was a ghost doomed to keep waking up to a too-quiet, oddly-filtered-light morning, wondering if I was alive, and feeling vaguely guilty that I'd let everyone down by not mentioning the cracking-wood sounds that killed us.

At this point I'm fairly certain that I'm not dead.

Mostly.

We lost power briefly around 10pm - just long enough to get the candles lit.

The cracking wood was a tree coming down in our back yard. Not the oak. This one is further back, in the gully by the creek - a poison-ivy encased cherry tree that stood right by the power lines (and phone, and fiber) that feed both our house and our neighbor's. Fortunately, it fell away from the wires.

Other than that (and possibly actually being dead, and a ghost that's only imagining writing a blog post), we seem to have come out relatively unscathed.

Call for Submissions: The Flesh Made Word

Tue, 23 Oct 2012 21:47:43 GMT

Okay, it's official: I'm editing an anthology for Circlet Press.

~

In the age of communication – where words are cheap, easy, and disposable – it’s easy to forget the sheer physicality of the written word. The inscription, through will and intention, through the press and flow of pen and ink expressing what’s hidden within ourselves upon a surface that is transformed through the process: what is more intimate than that?

The Flesh Made Word is an erotic anthology about the act of writing, and of being written upon. Old typewriters, the tattooist’s pen, the press of fountain-pen nib to flesh. The sensuality of the words themselves, both the sound and the shape of them. The clack of typewriter keys and the shuffle-clank of the printing press. The intersection of the expression of the idea and the physicality of the body. The transformation or transcendence of the flesh through written language.

I am looking for strong, edgy stories that don’t exist merely as an excuse for a great sex scene. Send me stories that take me to surprising places, and stories that don’t flinch.

While this anthology is expected to be primarily comprised of Science Fiction & Fantasy, it is open to (almost) all genres, including Mystery, Adventure, Western, Mainstream and the ever-popular-though-always-misunderstood Slipstream.

More details: http://www.circlet.com/?p=4395

The Next Big Thing

Sat, 20 Oct 2012 17:50:12 GMT

I blame A.C. Wise.

She's the one tagged me on this Next Big Thing meme.
So, the way this thing works, if I got it right, is that you answer ten questions about a work in progress.

That's all well and good, but what if you have a small stack of works in progress? Pick one, I s'pose. So, I'll skip talking about my pirate novel (currently entitled Untitled Pirate Dreck, though that may change), and I'll skip talking about From the Shallows, Cold as Death, because that's a short story, and finished, and submitted already. Instead, I'll talk about something you can actually look at, even though it's still very much a work in progress.

1. What is the title of your book?

Kudzu, A Novel.

2. Where did the idea come from for the book?

This started out as a facebook conversation that took multiple interesting tangents (I'm not sure what the math for a tangent of a tangent of a tangent looks like, but I'm certain that someone on the Internet does). We were talking about gravity, orbit, and gravity wells, and wandered from there to satellite graveyards, which was something I instantly knew I would need to work into a story. Then we asked, "What might we find living there?" And the answer was obvious - if there was food, there would eventually be raccoons. And what sort of edible thing might one find growing in space? Well, kudzu is the cockroach of the plant world. If there's any invasive weed that could possibly be adapted to survive in a vacuum, it was kudzu.

3. What genre does your book fall under?

Science Fiction.

4. Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

The only one I have a definitive image of is Earl Jaworsky. I'd cast Dick Dale (the primordial surf guitar guy) to play him. Possibly a young Steve Buscemi to play Ash, or alternately to do the voice for Slim's cgi. Robert Downey Jr. as acting captain Tharp. Edie Falco for Amelia's voice. Rooney Mara as Susan.

There's a particular actress I can see in my head that's got Colleen's looks, but I can't for the life of me figure out who it is, and doing a google image search on "American actress who was in at least one movie some time between 1980 and 2012" isn't really helping - mostly it just comes up with pictures of Brad Pitt.

Sir Reginald, I think, would have to played by Johnny Depp, because Depp would probably have fun with the role, and, well, if you get to choose your fantasy cast, how can you NOT cast Johnny Depp?

5. What is a one-sentence synopsis of the book?

Urgh. One sentence?

Returning to Earth after sixty-five years lost in space, Amelia and the other survivors of a disastrously failed expedition come out of suspended animation to discover that the world has changed in their absence: antics ensue.

The longer synopsis might mention that the Earth's been overrun with kudzu, and now there's a new threat. Our hapless castaways fight for survival while trying to prevent an even greater catastrophe.

6. Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

This was initially spawned as a web comic. I wrote a script, made a storyboard, gave them to my spousal unit, Linda Saboe, who is an amazing artist. She poked at it for some time, did character studies. Produced the art for the first four pages. And then kept stalling. Eventually, we determined that she just wasn't comic-oriented, and I'd need to sort out something else. Eventually, I decided to re-envision the story as a novel, with occasional art supplied by Linda. I've been posting a chapter a week, with chapters ranging between 900-1200 words. There are 20 chapters posted at this point, with many more to come.

7. How long did it take you to write the first draft of the manuscript?

It's not done yet. This is a work in progress. I've been keeping 4-5 weeks ahead of schedule (and get the chapters to Linda in case it sparks a visual for her), and have the next 4 chapters outlined. Following that, it's more in the form of "eventually X, Y, and Z have to happen." All subject to change, of course, and the final result once all is said and dne, and the story finds its end, I'll end up doing major editing prior to publication as a 'real' book.

8. What other books would you compare this story to in your genre?

I'm told there's some similarities to Brian Aldiss' Hothouse, but I haven't read it. I'm not really sure what else.

9. Who or what inspired you to write this book?

Henry 'Why yes, I am a rocket scientist, why do you askLeckenby, Mike Ciul, and John Welsh, in the above-mentioned facebook conversation; Linda Saboe, whose art is beautifully organic feeling, and Elaine Corvidae, whose Riven Sol web comic started my interest in wanting to play with the form that the story isn't in (any longer).

10. What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?

Hm. Raccoons in space? Time-hopping erotica writers? Space stations constructed of living vines? Let's not forget danger and excitement, a fair share of cliffhangers, and an "adult situation" now and again.

So, that's about it. All that's left is to tag a few people for the next round. So here goes:

Greg Bossert
Cate Gardner
Valerie Griswold-Ford
Jon McGoran
Gary Olson

sign of the times

Fri, 19 Oct 2012 05:55:31 GMT

I went to the local Democratic Committee meeting tonight (last night? (time is hard)). We mostly spent time assembling propaganda - labeling mailers, etc. Fairly mind-numbing, so there was a fair bit of gossiping.

Started out with Craig complaining that someone had come onto his lawn, pulled up his election signs, mangled them, and thrown them into his back yard.

Fran showed up about 5 minutes after all this was said. There was an area near his home where both Rs and Ds were permitted to put up signs. Lots of Romney signs up, and he put up Obama signs. His signs kept disappearing. He knew who was stealing them, but waited to confront her until there was a township supervisor in the room with them. She finally agreed to return them, but only after the word "police" had been uttered.

Lani came in about 15 minutes later. She had a different complaint. Her homeowner's association has consistently prevented her from putting up election signs in her yard. This year, many of her neighbors have put up Romney signs. When she brought it up to the homeowner's assoc., they said "But it's an election year." Which is to say, "But they're Romney signs."

Half hour later the folks who were at the school board meeting showed up. One of them, a woman who I don't know, complained that all her campaign signs had been stolen out of her yard.

So, out of a group of 8 households, 3 reported destruction or theft of property, and another reported selective enforcement to prevent her from posting signs while republicans were permitted.

I'm also hearing reports of people calling registered democrats in some areas and telling them that because the weather forecast for Nov 6th is showing that it's going to rain, the election has been postponed to the following Saturday. Yet others are calling to say that because lines are expected to be long, they're now able to take your vote over the phone, and you don't have to bother going in to the polling place. Locally (one township over) registered democrats are finding hang-tags on their doors with misleading information about the voter ID law, essentially telling people that if you don't have the right ID yet, it's too late.

Yup. That's what it's come down to. Voter suppression, and speech suppression. Also, trespassing, theft and vandalism.

Today

Mon, 15 Oct 2012 01:22:36 GMT

Oy. What a day.

I had so much to do. Some of it got done, even.

Chapter 20 of Kudzu was posted this morning. Y'know, in case you want to read it.

And you want to read it.

Look into my eyes. You are feeling very sleepy. Good. When you click on the link above, you will wake up and feel happy and refreshed as you read this week's exciting installment.

Okay, you're back? The rest of the day - well, first there was the ditch-digging. Linda wanted a tree moved a few feet to the right. This was accomplished. A post-digging-in-the-dirt shower was also accomplished. By the time I got out, the day job had exploded strangely. Always fun trying to trace symptoms of problems vaguely described by customers to their source.

I did manage to get my proposed Call for Submissions written and sent for approval/fiddling. I'm hoping to be able to announce something soon there, because it looks to be an interesting project, and I'm looking forward to seeing what y'all have to show me.

Now, hopefully I'll get to editing some of my own work and sending it out. I've been unpardonably lax at this whole sending stories out thing.

for your reading and listening pleasure

Mon, 24 Sep 2012 16:38:09 GMT

For your reading and listening pleasure, I give you three things.

First, A Domestic Disturbance is up at Nth Degree as of last Thursday. When I was on the road for 7+ hours of the day, and in a datacenter for the other part of it, and totally spaced announcing it here.

I wrote this story back in 2006, before I'd managed to get anything published. Revised it and sent it out in 2009, and it was accepted. Finally, last month, I got a note that it was actually going to see publication, and they gave me a date. I re-read it. I considered withdrawing it. I revised it instead, and then considered withdrawing it as unsalvageable. Got some suggestions from a friend, revised again, and then sent in the non-embarrassing edited version, which is what's here.

Second on the reading list is Kudzu. I got chapter 17 posted yesterday. Check it out, and let me know what you think.

The third item is aural rather than visual - Nobilis Erotica has podcast my story, Ink. It's read by David Collins-Rivera, who does an admirable job creating the many-voiced voice of an Eldritch Horror. Yes, there is sex. Yes, there are tentacles. I hope you enjoy. :)

http://nobiliserotica.com/site/2012/episode-263-ink-by-bernie-mojzes/

Taking a poke at The Hunger Games

Sat, 22 Sep 2012 01:09:57 GMT

Okay. I may be one of the last people in the world to read this book. I remember seeing the displays when it first came out a few years back, nestled in there with all the Twilight books, and I thought, Great. Because what the world really needs now is another teen vampire book.

Yeah, okay, so I saw "Hunger" and immediately thought of David Bowie, and Susan Sarandon, and Catherine Deneuve. But really, can you blame me? I mean.... ~throws hands in air~ You know what I mean?

My first clue that The Hunger Games wasn't yet another sparkly teen vampire book was when the internet went nuts with (alleged) people freaking out because they cast one of the sympathetic characters with a black actress. Saw what actual people said about the book and movie, and decided I needed to read the book.

So. Book purchased. Book read.

First, a criticism.

Early in the book, Katniss talks about surviving in the woods, and some of the plant lore her father taught her. One of the plants that are listed as safe and edible is pokeweed.

Poke is a massively useful and wonderful plant (my spousal unit calls it Grandmother Poke), that also happens to be one of the most toxic plants in the American landscape. The young shoots can be eaten, when harvested early, and then boiled and drained three times to remove the poison. The roots are highly poisonous. Once the red moves into the stems, the entire plant is poisonous. The berries are poisonous (but used in very small doses, is a very effective herbal remedy for arthritis). The seeds are massively poisonous. If you swallow a berry you should be fine, as the seeds will just pass through; if you chew it and crack a seed, well...

There's some good information here about pokeweed and what bits are edible, and when: http://www.foragingtexas.com/2006/04/pokeweedpoke-salat.html

As far as medical uses go - read a lot of different sources, and read with a critical eye. Consult a reputable herbalist. If you are going to use it, remember that it is a deadly toxin: start with extremely small doses, increasing conservatively until you get the results you want, or your body tells you to stop (you start getting side-effects).

So, anyway, that was what bothered me.

Outside of that one word, I'm pretty much blown away by this book. Katniss, as a first person narrator, thinks and talks believably like a girl her age in her circumstances. The language is simple and sparse. It reflects Katniss' personality - efficient and to the point, and anything that requires too much conjecture is set aside as not relevant. Descriptions are consistently utilitarian - no romantic pastoral paintings of the meadow and woods beyond District 12; it's all animal trails and where the snares should go, and what dangers to watch for. The worldbuilding is also through her eyes - it's told through her experiences, without her stopping to explain what it means. The reader's understanding of the world builds as much in what isn't said as what is.

At some point, I'd like to break down and analyze the first chapter as an example of how to do it right.

All in all, Suzanne Collins has done a masterful job with The Hunger Games (y'know, other than the Pokeweed thing), and it's as strong a book as my other favorite "non-adult" books - The Phantom Tollbooth and the Earthsea books.

More news

Mon, 17 Sep 2012 01:45:41 GMT

Well, first of all, Chapter 16 of Kudzu, a Novel is up. Just now. Yes, I suck at remembering to actually do things at specific times. At least I remembered while it was still today. Chapter 16 brings us back to Earth, with the mysterious Sir Reginald F. Grump XXIII and his plucky sidekick, Kevyn.

If you're looking to start from the beginning: http://brni.wordpress.com/table-of-contents/

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There are two other things coming out this week.

Firstly, my story, A Domestic Disturbance, is scheduled to appear in Nth Degree on Thursday, Sept 20th. I'll post a link when it appears.

Secondly, I'm told that Nobilis Erotica will be podcasting my story, Ink next Sunday (Sept 23rd).

Ink first appeared in Whispers in Darkness, Circlet Press's anthology of Lovecraftian Erotica. It's subsequently seen print in Coming Together: Arm in Arm in Arm (sales benefit Oceana), and has been selected for inclusion in Circlet's Fantastic Erotica: Best of Circlet Press, coming out in October.

What's that, you want a sneak peak?
Okay, but just a peak.

The Eldritch Horror sat quietly at the end of the bar, smoking and staring at the olive in an otherwise empty martini glass. One supple pseudopod held a Virginia Slim menthol to one set of lips. Another mouth drew on a camel unfiltered, held in a withered claw of a hand. A third, hand-rolled (for want of a better term), smelled of cloves. With each exhale, smoke seeped from various orifices scattered around its amorphous body, both out of and under the cheap suit it had stuffed itself into.

A pencil-thin tongue snaked out of one mouth and twisted sensuously around the olive at the bottom of the glass. The tip prodded the pimento out of the olive, then curled the olive up into its mouth.

I wondered if it really disliked pimentos, of if this was the Eldritch Horror version of peeling labels off beer bottles.

Works in Progress

Sat, 15 Sep 2012 16:33:33 GMT

I've been working on two novels.

One is a post-apocalyptic pirate novel, currently lovingly referred to as Untitled Pirate Dreck. I may at some point write something intended for that title, but this one will probably not be it.

UPD is currently hovering in that annoying between 35k and 40k wordcount, and must needs become a bit more than double that before I can say that the crappy first draft is finished. I'm encouraged by the comments from a workshop a few days ago, though.

There are two short stories currently out in this same world, with many of the same characters. The first written, Facing the Wind, takes place a decade after the events in UPD, and can be found in Spells and Swashbucklers, edited by Valerie Griswold-Ford. The second takes place about six months before UPD. It's called On Arid Seas, and is available in Circlet Press's Like a Treasure Found: Erotic Tales of Pirates, and subsequently podcast by Nobilis Reed.

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The other novel is something that I'd originally envisioned as a web comic, but never managed to get the art lined up properly, so instead it's going up as an online serial novel. I'm posting one chapter a week, every Sunday - aiming for about a thousand words per chapter, and Linda Saboe is providing art to go with it.

Kudzu, a Novel is a story about the survivors of a tragic accident while in orbit around Neptune's moon, Triton, who limp back to Earth, only to find their home utterly and irreversibly changed. It's a story about invasive species, genetic modification, and unintended consequences. Also, satellite graveyards, time-hopping erotica writers, intelligent raccoons, and quite a lot of kudzu. Kudzu is up to chapter 15 as of last Sunday.

I hope you'll take a few moments to check it out, and further, that you tell me what you think.

(A prequel to this novel, cleverly entitled Kudzu: A Prologue, appears in the anthology Galactic Creatures)

I've rambled on long enough for today - must get some housework done, and then get to writing and editing. And then Dorians Parlor, hopefully.

I knew I forgot something

Thu, 13 Sep 2012 18:11:15 GMT

In JoUE-related news, Ada Hoffmann's Centipede Girl (from our second issue) was selected and appears in Imaginarium 2012: The Best Canadian Speculative Writing. Which is out now. And which you should get. Because Centipede Girl is an excellent story, and in this single book you can also get wonderful stories by bugzine co-editor A.C. Wise, Neile Graham, Silvia Moreno-Garcia, and many many others.

I have been bad...

Thu, 13 Sep 2012 17:31:43 GMT

...atrocious, really, at keeping this journal updated. It's not because nothing is going on. In fact, it's more like too much is going on. I've been so busy that I haven't even watched any of the new Doctor Who episodes yet. Hopefully soon - get a couple more chapters written, edit five manuscripts and write five contracts, and then I can breathe.

In this episode of brni's intermittent blog, we're going to talk about The Journal of Unlikely Entomology.

On August 28th, we published issue 3.5, the 'hello, world' mini-issue. It's three short stories, by Luna Lindsey, Brent Knowles, and Karen Heuler. This issue commemorates the 40th birthday of Brian Kernighan's 'hello, world' computer program, which has traditionally been the first program new students learn to code. We didn't receive a lot of submissions for this themed issue, but almost all of the stories we received were good, and some were excellent.

Locus Reviews seems to agree:

http://www.locusmag.com/Reviews/2012/09/lois-tilton-reviews-short-fiction-early-september-3/#jue3.5

Incidentally, look for the 'hello, world' cover art to be gracing t-shirts and coffee mugs in the near future (as soon as we figure out which of cafepress/zazzle/other merchandising company to use.)

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I am not sure, but I don't think I actually mentioned it here - our humble bugzine will be hosting single-issue non-buggy editions, all involving some manner of unlikely art and/or science. The first of these will be The Journal of Unlikely Architecture. Submission guidelines can be found here:

http://www.grumpsjournal.com/subs-architecture.html

(Of course, we remain open for our standard fare - http://www.grumpsjournal.com/subs.html - where we are collecting stories for Issue 5)

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And what of Issue 4, you ask?

Ah, well, we just announced the TOC today, and the issue will be out in November.

Matthew Bennardo - The Famous Fabre Fly Caper
Jonathan Maberry - Deep Dark
Joanne Merriam - The Candy Aisle
Sunny Moraine - Invasives
Michael D. Winkle - In Your Own Back Yard

There are so many ways in which you can follow the Journal's exploits that I really can't see how you've managed to avoid it, but here's a list anyway:

Le Journal Itself: http://www.grumpsjournal.com
Le Blog: http://grumps-journal.livejournal.com
Le Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/GrumpsJournal
Le Twitter: http://twitter.com/grumpsjournal

Okay, that's enough for today.

Tomorrow, I'll try to catch you up on my own mischief.