I am at Balticon. I have a schedule. And a name badge. If you, also, are at Balticon, don't be shy.

In the not-shy category, I ran into an old friend from my undergrad years at Vanillanova. Chris Davis (a.k.a. The Renaissance Man) is a fellow philosophy department refugee, who is here pimping the Terry Pratchett convention. If you're here, go visit him at the Pratchett-con table.

So, schedule. Ah, here goes:

Erotica a la Carte: Iron Chef Preliminary Round 3
Friday, 10:00 PM, Chesapeake
Moderator: Nobilis Reed
Panelists: Alicia Goranson, Bernie Mojzes, PJ Schnyder, Cecilia Tan

"Three authors. One ingredient. Thirty minutes to write five hundred words of smut, and YOU are there to see it happen. The winner of this round will go on to compete in Sunday's final round."

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Erotic SF and Fantasy Literature Re-Examined
Friday, 11:00 PM, Salon B
Moderator: Bernie Mojzes
Panelists: T. J. Perkins, KT Pinto, PJ Schnyder

"When is it erotic literature and when is it just formula porn? What if it detracts or distracts from the story line instead of enhancing it? Some of the stuff being written sounds as if the author has never actually had sex... Panelists bring and read some examples of what they think is good stuff and awful stuff and tell us why."

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The Use and Misuse of The Hero's Journey
Saturday, 8:00 PM. Chase Room
Moderator: Bernie Mojzes;
Panelists: Tom Doyle, Beth Prellwitz, Darrell Schweitzer, Jon Sprunk

"What implications does Campbell's archetypical Hero's Journey have on non-traditional protagonists? How does the Hero's Journey differ for male and female protagonists? What does a narrative that escapes the Monomyth look like?"

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Double Dragon Publishing Presents
Sunday, 10:00 AM, Belmont Room
Editor: Michael A. Ventrella;
Authors: Gail Z. Martin, Bernie Mojzes, Peter Prellwitz

Come and meet some of the authors being published by Double Dragon Publishing and help them celebrate their April releases.

(BOOK LAUNCH: A BARD IN THE HAND)

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Poetry In Prose
Sunday, 11:00 AM, Chesapeake
Moderator: Patrick Scaffido;
Panelists: Myke Cole, Bernie Mojzes, Bruce Press

The mantra for modern stories seems to be simple, straightforward writing. Is there room for poetry and craft when audiences seem to prefer to skip to the action?

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Professionalism and the Young Writer
Sunday, 12:00 Noon, Parlor 3041
Moderator: Don Sakers;
Panelists: Katie Bryski, Sarah Pinsker, Bob Greenberger, T. J. Perkins, Bernie Mojzes

Age may be just a number, but what do you do when most people have been working in the industry for longer than you've been alive? How do you balance edits and essays? How can the young writer best present themselves to their readers and colleagues?

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Aliens Among Us
Sunday, 1:00 PM, Salon A
Presenters: A. C. Wise, Bernie Mojzes

They can walk on walls. They are masters of disguise. They have too many eyes and too many legs, and some of them can even withstand massive doses of radiation and survive.

By human standards, bugs are incredibly alien, which makes them the perfect source of inspiration for Science Fiction — from the hive-minded Borg to the Bugs of Heinlein's Starship Troopers. Join Bernie Mojzes and A.C. Wise, co-editors of the Journal of Unlikely Entomology, as they discuss bugs and speculative fiction, and how the two can be combined.

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The Dark Quest Books Mega-Launch
Sunday, 7:00 PM, Frankie & Vinnies
Publisher: Neal Levin:

Dark Quest Books launches their Spring 2013 titles with guest editors and authors: Danielle Ackley-McPhail ("The Eternal Cycle"), Danny Birt, Jack Campbell ("The Lost Fleet series"), Myke Cole, Judi Fleming, Charles E. Gannon, Elektra Hammond, Eric V. Hardenbrook, C.J. Henderson ("Teddy London"), Mike McPhail), Bernie Mojzes, Christine Norris, KT Pinto, James Daniel Ross ("Radiation Angels"), Alex Shvartsman, Maria V. Snyder, Jim Stratton, Patrick Thomas ("Murphy's Lore", Robert E. Waters, and John C. Wright ("Chronicles of Chaos"), Jeff Young,
PRESENTATION, NO PANEL SEATS
(2 hours)

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Alien Sex in Science Fiction
Sunday, 11:00 PM, Chase Room
Moderator:
Panelists: Michael D'Ambrosio, Stephanie Burke, Bernie Mojzes

Everyone seems to dance around it. Do we want to read about the sexual behaviors and intimate (or not...) relationships of alien species? Do we want as much detail as we can encounter reading about human sexual interactions? Why or why not?

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Readings: D.H. Aire and Bernie Mojzes
Monday, 11:30 AM, Pimlico (30 minutes)



They also have me down for "Swing Dance." I tried to explain to them that the only dance I know is the Caligula "Little Boots" Thumb Dance, but it still appears on my schedule. I wouldn't count on me being there...

Why is punctuation important?

There are a number of reasons, not least of which is that punctuation defines the meanings of the words which it punctuates.

Today, I ran in to an old friend, who we will call Erin (because that's her name). She played cello in a funk band I was in, a while back. She's been teaching for a while now, mostly kids. Five year old boys are apparently a challenge. One of them, for example, is convinced that he is a ninja.

"Your violin is not nunchucks," she has to remind him.

She tries to get him to play his music, and he won't. So she says, "How would a Ninja play 'Twinkle'?" She's got his attention now. "Very softly," she says, "and then very loud. Play it like that."

And he does.

So she went off for 3 weeks in the UK. When she got back, her substitute accosted her. "These kids are unteachable!" she said.

"No they're not," Erin told her. "All you have to know is how to play Twinkle like a ninja."

"'Twinkle Like a Ninja'?" I said. "That's the best song title ever."

Unfortunately, I'm now feeling a compulsion to write a song or story with that title.

Hullo all,

Just a few updates on various projects that are in the works.

Submissions for The Flesh Made Word - erotica about writing (and being written) come to a close tonight. I received a flurry of subs yesterday, and hope there's another today. http://www.circlet.com/?p=4395

Submissions for Issue 5 of the Journal of Unlikely Entomology run through April 1st. If you have a buggy story in you, send it here! http://www.grumpsjournal.com/subs.html

Submissions for The Journal of Unlikely Architecture remain open until filled. We have filled half the slots and are looking for another 3-4 stories, depending on length. We're aiming for an early August release. JoUA will feature stories in which architectural structures (buildings, bridges, etc) are significant parts of the tale. http://www.grumpsjournal.com/subs-architecture.html

We'll be announcing our next Unlikely Adventure soon, once we finalize the guidelines and figure out what to call it. Stay tuned...

The 2013 Campbellian Pre-Reading Anthology has just been released, containing 2 of my stories: "The Ritual of Names in Prague in the Last Days of the New Empire" and "Raw Materials." Ritual has been online at Daily Science Fiction; Raw Materials was a bonus story in Crossed Genres Quarterly, and was never released online, so this is the first free-to-read version of this story.

What's that? Yes, it's free. 80 stories by 43 authors who are eligible for the Campbell award this year, free for a limited time (as in, the next couple months).

Also, bugzine contributor Sylvia Spruck Wrigley has a story in there too, so you should go download this thing for your kindle or nook or whatnot, even if you don't want to see my work.

http://stupefyingstories.blogspot.com/2013/02/just-released-2013-campbellian-pre.html

Perhaps the only thing more annoying than being sick is being sick whilst one's spousal unit (or functionally equivalent personage) is even sicker.

I made my way to Whole Foods with the thought of acquiring the requisite items needed for Lemongrass soup. I filled my basket and then realized there was one thing missing.

So, I improvised.

Got-No-Lemongrass Lemongrass Minestrone Soup

1 stick lemongrass, cut in 1 inch pieces

Um. Right. Lets try this again.

Some onion, chopped
Some mushrooms, cut in the way you like them
Some carrot, cut into smallish sticks
Some celery, cut small (pinky nail or smaller)
Some broccoli, cut into smallish bits.
Some snow peas, cut in half (I forgot that bit, and they become unwieldy)
A bit of frozen peas
Handful of cooked pasta of reasonable shape (elbows, small shells, etc)
Soy sauce
2 knorr vegetable bullion cubes
6 cups water
Fresh parsley, chopped
Fresh basil, torn++
Lime juice
Sugar
1 teaspoon Thai Roasted Red Chili Paste (to taste)
Dry spices: parsley, basil, rosemary, red pepper flakes, salt, black pepper
Olive oil.

* Put some oil in pot, add heat.
* Add dry parsley, dry basil, rosemary, red pepper flakes, salt and onions and celery.
* Sautee on low for a while until onions start to go translucent
* Add mushrooms and keep on sauteeing.
* At some point, decide you're bored with the sauteeing and throw chili paste and soy sauce in there. Raise heat.
* When you think the mushrooms has taken enough abuse, add water and bullion cubes and turn heat up to high.
* Get bored waiting for it to boil and throw the carrots and fresh parsley in
* When the water boils, throw in the broccoli and snow peas. Also, taste the broth and add some lime juice to brighten it and some sugar to cut the tart from the lime. Obviously fresh squeezed lime is best, but if you use Rose's lime juice, keep in mind that it's already sweetened and adjust the amount of sugar you use.
* After a bit, add cooked pasta and frozen peas.
* Bring back to a boil for a couple minutes
* Turn off heat and throw fresh basil in.

++ For some reason, basil tastes better when it's torn by hand than when it's chopped with a knife.

And, hey, it worked. Tastes sort of like lemongrass soup, and sort of like minestrone, with a bit of a bite.

Over at the Journal of Unlikely Entomology blog, Joanne Merriam guest posts:

http://grumps-journal.livejournal.com/14836.html

Issue 4 of the Journal of Unlikely Entomology is live!



Actually, it went live Friday afternoon, but I've been at Philcon, and my dad's birthday (dinner at a Greek restaurant called Mythos, which, arriving at immediately after listening to people talking about Lovecraft, makes one less than eager to try the calamari).

We're proud to announce that our 6th issue (Issue 4) is up at http://www.grumpsjournal.com, featuring stories by M. Bennardo, Joanne Merriam, Michael D. Winkle, Sunny Moraine, and Jonathan Maberry, and art by Linda Saboe, Dag Jørgensen, Bryan Prindiville, Katie Rose Pipkin, and A.L. Sirois.

We hope you enjoy the issue, and we remind you that we're currently accepting submissions for Issue 5, and for our especially unlikely issue, The Journal of Unlikely Architecture.

This is part 5 of a 5-part series on writing sex. If you haven't seen the earlier bits, you might want to consider taking a look.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Okay, so you've decided to write erotica. Just for yourself. Just to hone your skills. Not for public consumption. Probably.

Now what?

Step 1

Well, first you need to decide what to write. (This is the easy part.)

If you're a writer who has existing work with fade-to-black type scenes, well, you could choose some of those to flesh out. That's the easy way out, of course - you already have an existing framework, an existing story that you're choosing to revisit, to linger a bit voyeuristically over what you knew was there but chose tastefully to leave off the page. Or you can take characters from existing stories and put them into different circumstances. I wrote an entirely non-sexual story, Facing the Wind, and then later wrote an erotic prequel to it, On Arid Seas, which explored a relationship that the first story only hinted at.

Another option is to look at current calls for submissions to see if any of that sparks any ideas. You can find those in the "mature" section of Ralan's or Duotrope, or look at the Erotica Readers & Writers Association, or at the titles of some of the anthologies out there. Or, y'know, you could write something to submit to The Flesh Made Word...

A third option is to find your story the same way you find all your other stories - dreams, daydreams, that weird mental state you get into somewhere between lathering shampoo into your scalp and washing the soles of your feet. From a song lyric or a random phrase overheard at the coffee shop.

Step 2

Remember that you're not just writing the mechanics of sex, just like when you're writing anything else, you're not just writing the mechanics of what is occurring. You're writing the action in the context of thinking and feeling persons who are doing the acting. You're writing the action in the context of a larger story that this scene must serve. Your sex scene is not an intermission. It's not there to fill in space while the actors get changed for the second Act. It is as integral to the story as a whole as every other piece of the story. Remember, sex is powerful - use that to show aspects of the characters that are otherwise hidden.

Step 3

Word choice. This was the most difficult piece for me.

So what is it? Penis? Cock? Prick? Glans? Stiff? Erect? Throbbing? Pulsing? Balls? Ass? Rectum? Clit? Vulva? Vagina? Pussy? Cunt?

Or do you choose a more demure route? Hardness? Manhood? Wetness? You want to avoid cliches, of course, but that's true of all writing.

There's no correct choice here - only what's correct for your story, and for your POV character.

There's only one rule here: Don't flinch.

It's okay for your POV character to flinch. You write that well, and the readers will do the same, right where you want them to. But if YOU flinch, the readers will know, and you'll lose them.

Be true to your story. Be true to your characters. Follow where they take you, no matter where.

My Philcon schedule is lighter than I expected, but I do have a reading on Saturday evening. Any suggestions on what I should read? Naughty or Not-So-Naughty? (Is 5pm late enough to even ask that question?) Either way, come visit me so I'm not lonely.

Also, my reading time was emailed to me as being 12 PM, but is on the philcon schedule website as 5pm, so who knows? I suppose I'll find out tomorrow.


Fri 9:00 PM in Crystal Ballroom Three—Tricksters, Rogues and Lovable Scoundrels (1158)

An exploration of this archetype in science fiction and fantasy. Think of Harry Harrision's "The Stainless Steel Rat", Neal Stephenson's "Hiro Protagonist", Han Solo, Malcolm Reynolds, and others.

April Grey (mod), Stephanie Burke, Shelby Morgen, KT Pinto, Bernie Mojzes

Fri 11:00 PM in Crystal Ballroom Three—Drugs and the Works of Philip K. Dick (1141)

Is this exaggerated? What's the real scoop? Did Dick's creativity manifest itself because of some recreational chemicals or in spite of them?

Tom Doyle (mod), Michael Swanwick, April Grey, Bernie Mojzes

Sat 5:00 PM in Executive Suite 623—Reading: Bernie Mojzes (1326)

Bernie Mojzes (mod)

Sat 11:00 PM in Executive Suite 623—Writing Science Fiction Erotica (1178)

Experiencing practitioners (of WRITING...) give us the inside scoop on this specialized part of the publishing industry.

Stephanie Burke (mod), Shelby Morgen, Bernie Mojzes, Thomas Willeford, A.C. Wise

This is part 4 of a 5-part series on writing sex. If you haven't seen the earlier bits, you might want to consider taking a look.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 5

Okay, in part 1, we covered bad sex in writing, some of the causes of bad sex, and the need for writers to set out and write explicitly erotic stories in order to learn how to write intimacy. In part 2, we talked about shame, pseudonyms, and trying to figure out what one needs to be free to write what is needed. In part 3 we talked about what you need to bring the reader along for the ride.

Part 4 is all questions and no answers.

Which is all as it should be, because everyone should answer these questions in their own way. Or perhaps there is no answer, there's only the act of questioning, and merely posing the question to yourself will give you enough to be successful.

So here goes.

• If you're writing your kink, are you talking only to people who share your kink, or have you written in a way that brings readers who don't share your kink along for the ride? (I've seen it said one should never write one's own kink. I don't necessarily agree with that, but you do need to be aware of what you're doing, and whether you're intending to write for that group, or more universally.)
  
  
• If you're writing a kink that isn't yours, are you:
  
  
  
  • writing in a way that is respectful of those who are into this stuff, and not a caricature?
    
  • writing accurately and honestly?
  
  
  
• Does your scene make sense for your characters?
  
  
• Does the scene work in the context of your story? (I, for one, can't abide stories that exist only as an excuse for a sex scene. Others may differ on this.)
  
  
• What do you reveal in the context of the narrative, and of the sex scene?